


Mirage

by HidansCrazyLaugh



Category: Naruto
Genre: Desert Setting, Fluff, KakuHida Reverse Big Bang, Kakuhida - Freeform, Kissing, M/M, and hallucinate, hidan and kakuzu are poisoned, injuries, zetsu mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 16:51:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15733521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidansCrazyLaugh/pseuds/HidansCrazyLaugh
Summary: After a difficult fight against Orochimaru, Kakuzu and Hidan are injured and poisoned in the desert and suffer hallucinations that make them rethink their feelings for each other.





	Mirage

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Kakuhida Reverse Big Bang and goes with the comic by Dokucchi please check it out! Edited by Catastrophe, thank you so much, I never had anything edited before so that was neat!

Night was falling. Kakuzu and Hidan knew they needed to find a place to spend the night, out of the wind, and where they could build a fire and tend to their injuries. 

“Hurry up, would you?” Kakuzu barked. “They’ve gotten away and you’re falling behind, I’ll leave you out here.”

“I’m coming. Shit, Kakuzu, I’m not falling behind…pfft, as if.” Hidan said. He was out of breath and Kakuzu paused in walking to let him catch up, watching him carefully. Hidan was limping and Kakuzu knew there was more than some cuts and bruises bothering him, but it would have to wait; he could walk, so it couldn’t be that bad. He was hurting himself, something he wasn’t used to and he did not like it. When Kakuzu caught up to Orochimaru, he was going to pay dearly.

With the sun going down, the temperature was dropping, and so was visibility. Only the sliver of moon shone down on them, making it hard to see. Kakuzu stepped carefully, avoiding rocks and roots and brush, and then noticed that something did not feel right. 

Kakuzu looked down, having seen what looked like a wire, and was about to call out to Hidan to stop but before he was able to Hidan tripped on it and went flying forwards onto a cactus.

“Fuck!” Hidan shouted as he fell face first into the gritty sand, his scythe falling from his back with a clatter nearby. Hidan screamed as his hand and arm landed on a small cactus growing along the ground, half hidden under some brush. As he hit it, senbon shot out from it. Hidan’s arm and shoulder were littered with them, while Kakuzu was hit with only a few.

“Fucking Orochimaru!!” Hidan shouted.

“Hidan! Get up!” Kakuzu grabbed his upper arm and hauled him to his feet and pulled a senbon from Hidan’s shoulder, he gave a shout and Kakuzu examined it, “Why don’t you watch where you’re walking!” 

“I am, but I fucking hurt, Kakuzu.” He was pouting now, and Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

“It’s your own fault. You’re so fucking reckless; you’re lucky he didn’t kill you back there!” 

Violet eyes watered and Hidan blinked furiously, “He can’t kill me. I’m immortal.”

“You won’t be if you keep going like this. These are poisoned!” Kakuzu plucked the few from his own arm before pulling the ones out of Hidan, “If we were mortal, we would probably be dead by now.” 

“What’s going to happen to us? You don’t have any antidotes on you, do you?” Hidan asked, his eyes wild, “Kakuzu! Tell me you’ve got something!”

“I have nothing. Keep walking.” Kakuzu shoved Hidan around and pushed him forward, and pointed, “Walk faster. There’s an old building over there we’ll be spending the night in.” He wanted to get there before the poison took affect, not knowing what to expect from it. Knowing Orochimaru, it would be strong enough to have some kind of effect on them.

Hidan looked towards where Kakuzu was pointing. There was the outline of a house. He hoped it would have a bed at least, and then he wondered why there was a house way out here in the first place. 

“Damn, imagine that. A house out here just for us. Maybe you can make us waffles in the morning, Kakuzu-chan.” He bent down to pick up his scythe with one hand, as the other was covered in cactus spines, and threw it over his shoulder with a groan.

“What is it now?” Kakuzu sighed.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” Hidan told him.

Knowing it was a lie, Kakuzu said nothing but made Hidan walk in front of him, grabbing him when he stumbled again, and a second time, “Hidan?”

“What?”

“Don’t make me have to carry you.” 

“You already are carrying me.” Hidan said, a confused look crossing his face.

Kakuzu’s brows shot up at this, “No, I’m not.”

“Huh...I thought you were, then who is? Hey, look at the fuckin’ sky. Damn, I didn’t know stars moved like that.” 

Kakuzu pushed Hidan forward and tried to get him to move faster. As the house got closer, they saw it was less a house and more a pile weather beaten timber in the shape of a house.

“What the fuck!!” Hidan moaned. “Kakuzuuu! This is not a house!”

“It’s the best we’re going to get. Quit complaining.” Kakuzu pushed him forward as he was slowing down again. 

The structure loomed in the dark, the skeletal remains of an old house long since forgotten. There was nothing inside but a stone floor and more sand, and probably creatures like snakes, lizards, and scorpions. Throwing his scythe down, Hidan then threw himself on the floor, leaning against the wall and breathing hard. Kakuzu sat heavily beside him and got out a canteen of water from the pack he carried. He drank some and passed it to Hidan who took it, his hand trembling slightly.

“Where are you hurt, Hidan?” 

“I’m fine. Just get these fuckers out of my hand and arm.” Hidan drank and closed the container, setting it on the floor.

“We need a fire first. I can’t see well enough without one.” 

“Right.” Hidan was about to push himself up to go help gather wood, but was overcome with a wave of dizziness, “Fuck, Kakuzu…I don’t feel good…” 

“Stay there.” 

Hoping Hidan would stay put, Kakuzu went back out to collect what he could to start a fire with. He returned with an armful of dried, dead branches, twisted roots, and twigs, and found Hidan with his eyes closed, a sheen of sweat on his pale face, blood smeared on his lips from when he fell, or perhaps it was from the poison.

As quickly as he could, Kakuzu got a fire going on the stone floor of the old house—it gave him some light to see by—and gave Hidan a shake. “Wake up.” 

“Huh?” Hidan opened his eyes, looking around. “Kakuzu?” He reached out with his good hand, “You look weird.”

Kakuzu wasn’t feeling so great himself, but at least wasn’t seeing things yet, so he took Hidan’s hand in his and turned it over. It was swelling, covered in tiny spines, and seeping blood; it would take a while to remove them all, so he got started. A black thread emerged from between the stitches on his forearm, working from Hidan’s fingers, picking the spines out one by one. 

“Ow!” Hidan attempted to yank his hand back but Kakuzu had a tight grip on it, trying to hold him still.

“Don’t move.”

“Fuckin’ hurts, man.” 

“Deal with it.” 

Hidan went quiet, whining now and then, every once in a while shouting at Kakuzu. “Be careful, you dickhead!” 

“It’s you who should be careful. You’re the one who tripped and fell into a cactus.” Kakuzu reminded him.

“Man, you hear him? Always blaming me for shit...” Hidan said as if he was speaking to someone else. Kakuzu knew he couldn’t be, they were the only ones there. “He’s hurting me and tells me it’s my fault.” Hidan paused. “Hey, ‘Kuzu, do you see that?” 

“See what?”

“I can…see sound…shit…” He rubbed his eyes. “I feel sick, Kakuzu, like really fucking sick. And why is the sky moving? Tell it to stop…everything is moving…oh, dear Jashin...”

“It’s not moving, Hidan.” Kakuzu raised his eyes to Hidan’s, whose pupils were so wide he couldn’t see any of the color around them. It looked wrong, and Kakuzu didn’t like it. He looked away and saw things moving along the wall, like it was pulsating, colors shifting with each beat of his heart. No, he needed to stop looking at the wall. It was not really moving. He squeezed his eyes shut. He was going to kill Orochimaru and Kabuto when he got his hands on them.

Finally finished with his hand, Kakuzu began removing the spines from Hidan’s arm, and realized he was still breathing too hard. He used his free hand to check Hidan’s face and neck for injuries, and aside from a cut on his cheek there was nothing; he moved his hand down to his shoulders, checked his other arm. Hidan started to giggle quietly. “Kakuzu...I don’t think now is the time for you to feel me up.”

“Shut up.” Kakuzu then ran his hand down Hidan’s side.

Hidan sucked in a breath as pain shot through him and colors burst in front of his eyes. He cursed loudly as Kakuzu pushed his robe open, revealing ugly purple blotches on his ribs. 

“They’re cracked, possibly broken.”

“I’ll be fine in a day or so. I’ve had worse.” Hidan gritted out. He opened his mouth to say more when Kakuzu pressed on his ribs, causing Hidan to scream. “Motherfucker!! That really hurts, Kakuzu! What the hell are you trying to do to me?!” 

Kakuzu said nothing and got into his pack, taking out a roll of bandages, “Sit forward and take your robe off.” 

Hidan did as he was told, fighting the dizziness, but had to put his head down on the floor, “I think I’m dying.” He couldn’t remember ever feeling as bad as he did then. Some part of him wished he could die. Knowing what he knew of Orochimaru he knew his suffering would get worse.

“Yeah, probably. I think we both are.” Kakuzu agreed and pressed down on Hidan’s side once more, feeling the bones shift as he pressed them back together. “Broken…and stop screaming!”

“You need to understand the pain of others, Kakuzu!” Hidan had kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see everything moving and in colors they weren’t supposed to be in. “I’ll curse you and make you feel my pain!”

“No you won’t. You need to sit up, at least a little.”

“Ugh…can’t.” He felt sick, and was not going to throw up in front of Kakuzu. That was just not happening. He swallowed and breathed in deeply, trying to calm his stomach.

“You have to.” Lifting Hidan off the floor with his threads, he started to wrap the bandages tightly around Hidan’s ribs, those big black pupils watching him. “Close your eyes, Hidan.” 

Finally finished, they lay on the floor, both breathing hard, sweating and hallucinating. Kakuzu couldn’t tell if the Hidan he saw was real or not, moving closer until they were touching, pressing his mouth to Kakuzu’s in a sloppy kiss. Letting his eyes close, Kakuzu allowed it; it felt so strange and he could see, in vivid colors, the sensations behind his eyelids and then he heard Hidan talking, but Hidan couldn’t be talking because he was kissing him right now. Cracking open one eye, Kakuzu could see Hidan laying on the floor next to him. Opening his other eye, Kakuzu looked up to see that Hidan was still kissing him.

A strange thought occured to Kakuzu then: perhaps he was the hallucination, the one who wasn’t real. 

The Hidan on the floor slowly sat up and mumbled something and as the wind blew through, the Hidan on top of Kakuzu blew away into dust with it. That was too much for Kakuzu and he shut his eyes again, wishing the effects of the poison would wear off soon, though he would probably lose at least one heart because of it. At that thought, he cursed Orochimaru and grabbed up a handful of sand and threw it across the remains of the room.

Too exhausted to move, he stayed where he was, listening as Hidan mumbled something and left the house. Kakuzu wondered where he was going, and his last thought before letting sleep claim him was he hoped Hidan didn’t walk off with whoever he thought he saw earlier because he would probably die out there if he got lost.

Kakuzu woke with a start—there were voices—with a pounding head. Dizzy and disoriented, he got to his feet and looked around. Hidan wasn’t anywhere in sight; he should have been next to him. He then remembered seeing Hidan walk away before he passed out. All Kakuzu wanted was to lie down and make everything stop spinning but he made his way out of the remains of the old house and saw Hidan on the ground, two figures kneeling over him.

“Hidan!” He moved forward but lost his footing and fell to his knees a few feet away. The two turned to see Kakuzu stumble towards them, and he thought they looked familiar, but not how he remembered them looking. 

“Kakuzu, you better stop running around, hm, you’re going to pass out and land in a cactus.” 

“What…what are you doing to him?” 

“Saving his life.” The other one said as he turned back to Hidan’s lifeless form on the ground. 

“He would have died if we got here any later…” 

“Deidara, Sasori?” Kakuzu squinted, “What did you two do to your hair?” Deidara looked ridiculous, more than usual, and why had he colored his hair green? Not even a nice green; no, it was an ugly vomit green, and not only that, but he had cut it shot like Sasori’s. Looking past Deidara, Kakuzu recognized Sasori, but somehow his hair had gotten long, and was up like Deidara’s usually was. Something was not right about that, but Kakuzu was too exhausted to figure it out.

“We didn’t do anything to our hair. Now lay down.” Deidara didn’t have to use much force as he pushed Kakuzu down. “Hey, Sasori my man, can I inject him with that anti-venom, hm?!”

Sasori looked over and tilted his head to the side, the corners of his lips curving up ever so slightly. “Of course. Here.” He filled a syringe with what would be the correct amount, already knowing everyone’s weights and heights, and held it out for Deidara to take from him. “Be sure to administer everything. And be careful, Deidara. He’s not in his right mind. Who knows how he might react.”

Deidara seemed far too happy to be able to use a needle on Kakuzu. Sasori watched as he brought the needle to Kakuzu’s arm, only to have Kakuzu hit him in the face with his other hand, bruising instantly, while black threads grabbed the syringe and threw it off into the desert.

“Brat. I warned you to be careful.” Sasori grumbled. “Go find that syringe while I finish up with Hidan.”

“Is he going to be alright?” Deidara asked, looking over at Hidan. He was so pale.

Sasori nodded, “Yes, he is immortal. Both of them are, though apparently not immune to poisons.” 

“Damn…” Deidara muttered as he walked off to go look for the syringe. “I wanted to watch him die and come back. It’s kinda funny when he does that.”

With an irritated look, Sasori lifted his eyes from Hidan and said, “It may be, but it would waste time, which we do not have the luxury of doing at the moment. Go and get the syringe already.” 

Kakuzu moved closer to see blood smeared on Hidan’s mouth and chin, “How did you find us?”

“Zetsu told us as soon as you had been hit with the venom. We got here as fast as we could.” 

Not too far off, they heard Deidara. “Ha! Found it! I bet you thought I wouldn’t be able to, didn’t you, Sasori my man?!” 

Kakuzu resisted the urge to roll his eyes and reached out to touch Hidan’s arm; he felt hot to the touch, and sweaty. “Hidan got it worse than I did.”

“Oh? I was not aware. Perhaps if he would choose to actually wear clothes he wouldn’t have.” Sasori rolled his eyes. “Lay down, you’re next. And if you even think of hitting me, I’ll leave you to suffer. Or I might just inject some of my own poisons to test on you. With five hearts, it would be interesting to see how you might react. I’d even like to try them on Hidan.” With a tilt of his head, Sasori “hmm”d as if debating doing just that.

“Do it and I’ll set you on fire and dance about in your ashes.” Kakuzu threatened then asked, “Did Deidara really dye his hair an ugly vomit green? It looks terrible.”

Making a face, Sasori said, “No. It’s the same color it’s always been.” 

“Did he lose a bet and have to cut it? And how did yours grow so fast?” 

Sasori’s eyes narrowed at that and he said nothing.

“Did you do yours the same ugly color? I feel sick looking at you like that.”

“Don’t speak to me again until you’re done hallucinating.” 

Kakuzu let his eyes close and tried not to move. He could hear and see as Deidara approached and then felt someone take his arm and hold it down.

“I’m going to administer the anti-venom. Do not move. And do not even think of attacking me,” Sasori warned. Kakuzu felt a slight prick of his skin and something hot enter his veins as he let sleep take him. 

Kakuzu woke as the sky was beginning to lighten and he slowly turned his head to see if Hidan was awake yet. He was sitting up with Sasori checking him over.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Hidan groaned, wrapping his arms around his stomach.

“You puked your guts out last night. I’m sure you couldn’t bring anything up if you tried, hm,” Deidara said, and then saw Kakuzu was awake. “Here, drink some water.” 

Sitting up, Kakuzu took the canteen and sipped it, thankful it was cold. “When will he be good to travel? We’re going to lose Orochimaru’s trail and—”

Deidara laughed. “Oh, you think you’re still going after him?!” His laughing was almost more obnoxious than Hidan’s. “You two are in no condition to fight him, let alone stay out here another day.” He gave a pause, grinning. “We’re replacing you, hm.”

“I’m really gonna be sick now…fuck…” Hidan groaned and laid back down. “We never failed a mission before…”

“Well, first time for everything, yeah?” Deidara grinned, “Once you’re feeling up to it, head back out to the road. There’s some supplies there and you two can head back to the base and explain all this to Leader-sama. That oughta be good, hm? Wish I could be there to watch.”

“We’ll be leaving now.” Kakuzu growled; he had never been taken off a mission before, and was pissed that they were being taken off of this one. He blamed it all on Hidan. If he hadn’t tripped over that stupid fake cactus this wouldn’t be happening; if he didn’t have to be so reckless in a fight he wouldn’t have gotten hurt and would have been able to watch where he was going better. Glaring at Hidan, he wanted to choke the life out of him. 

“I can’t move,” Hidan said.

“Too bad,” Kakuzu snarled. “This is your fault!” 

“Now, now, let’s not argue about who failed the mission. You both have since you are a team,” Sasori quipped as he dusted himself off. “Now, as it appears neither of you will die or lose a heart, we’ll be on our way to track down Orochimaru.”

“Bet you won’t be able to…” Hidan rolled onto his side and curled in on himself.

“See you, losers! Let’s go, danna!” Deidara grinned and stuck out his tongue as he climbed onto the back of his giant clay bird and followed behind Sasori.

Kakuzu and Hidan eventually moved back inside the house where Kakuzu set up the little camp stove, and made some instant ramen. They needed to eat something before going back out. Hidan still looked like death and Kakuzu watched him closely; he hadn’t said much and wasn’t making eye contact and while Kakuzu really had no desire to listen to Hidan bitch and complain, it was unusual for him to be so quiet. 

Once the water boiled, Kakuzu poured it into the cups and handed one to Hidan and told him to eat, and they ate in silence until Hidan finally broke it.

“I fucked up. Sorry about that, Kakuzu.”

“Yes, you did, but you wouldn’t be much use in a real fight with those broken ribs anyways.” He watched Hidan slurp the noodles and remembered the kiss he had shared with a Hidan he had hallucinated, and wondered what it might be like to kiss him when they both felt better. Hidan looked up and gave him a questioning look and Kakuzu quickly looked away.

After allowing Hidan time to rest some more and making sure he had drank enough water, Kakuzu announced they were leaving and left, pausing after several minutes to make sure Hidan followed. 

Squinting in the sun, Hidan watched a lizard dart away to hide under some rocks as he approached. It was a strange looking one and he thought it might be Orochimaru so he slowed down to check it out. 

As slowly as he could, he reached out and let his hand hover in the air before grabbing it as fast as he could and brought it up close to his face and scrutinized it, trying to decide if it was a real lizard or not while it struggled to escape his grip.

“Hidan, what are you doing?” Kakuzu demanded from several yards ahead. “Would you hurry up? We’ve lost enough time as it is.”

“I think I found something…I don’t think this is a real lizard…” Hidan said as he examined it. “It’s such a funny shape.”

“Of course it’s a real lizard. Put it down and let’s go!” 

“Maybe we can eat it!” Hidan said. “I’m hungry.”

“No. No eating strange animals out here,” Kakuzu told him. “I will leave you here to wander around alone if you don’t put that thing down right now and get over here.” Sometimes Kakuzu felt like Hidan was worse than a child.

Hidan gave it one last look and suddenly there was blood shooting out of the lizard’s eyes, hitting him in the face, “What the fuck?!” He immediately dropped the animal and it scurried off as he stood there in shock, blinking.

“Kakuzu…?”

“What?!”

He slowly turned around. “Is there blood on my face or am I still hallucinating?” 

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, “Yes, Hidan, there is blood on your face. Did it bite and scratch you?”

“That lizard shot blood out of its eyes. That is seriously some wild shit,” Hidan said as he caught up to Kakuzu, wiping his face clean.

“You must still be hallucinating because lizards don’t do that.” Kakuzu continued leading the way, checking to make sure Hidan was following; he knew if he got separated that Hidan would die out in the desert on his own. Probably in less than a day, too. 

It was hot and with no shade and still recovering, it made the trek back to the road miserable and was taking its toll on them. 

Kakuzu suddenly reached out and grabbed Hidan, pulling him back and away from the large rattlesnake he had almost stepped on. Hidan slammed into Kakuzu’s chest, getting the air knocked out of him and jarring his ribs. “Ow!! What the hell, Kakuzu?!” 

“You almost stepped,” he pointed at the snake that was giving its raised tail a shake, “on that!”

“Oh shit.” 

“Sasori isn’t here to give you another dose of anti-venom.”

“Hey…” Hidan leaned forward, narrowing his eyes at the snake. “You don’t think that could be him, do you? Following us around out here? It’s a big one!” 

“Hidan, Orochimaru is not taking on the forms of lizards and snakes and following us around.” He slowly released Hidan. “Watch where you step.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” Hidan said and stepped away.

They continued on, neither speaking for a while until Kakuzu asked if Hidan remembered anything. “Not much. I think I saw you leading me outside.” 

“I didn’t. What happened outside? You could have gotten lost.”

“Nothing.” Hidan answered too quickly and turned his face away from Kakuzu, refusing to look at him the rest of the way back. 

It was late in the afternoon when they returned to the road.

“Were you worried about me?” Hidan asked once they reached the supplies near the road that Sasori had told them about. He sat down heavily on the ground, breathing hard and wiping the sweat from his brow. 

“I knew you would survive.” Kakuzu got down and sat next to him.

“Yeah but…weren’t you worried anyways?” Hidan wouldn’t let it go as they refilled their canteens. “You were. Just admit it, old man, you like me.” He was grinning and leaned forward. “Don’t you?” 

“I would be adverse to having to get a new partner if something happened to you,” Kakuzu told him.

“Good enough for me.” Hidan leaned against him. “I’m fucking tired.”

“I can see. We’ll rest here for the night.”

“Is there at least a tent?” Hidan yawned and closed his eyes, “You know what, I’m just… gonna fall asleep here…” 

Kakuzu let Hidan sleep, not sure how he felt about him anymore, and wondered, not for the first time, if he would have wanted that kiss to have been real. Hidan was annoying, and talked too much, and a religious fanatic, but Kakuzu enjoyed having him around even if he didn’t want to admit it, and he had been worried, more concerned for an immortal idiot than he had been for himself. 

Leaning over, he studied Hidan’s face while he slept. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep that Kakuzu felt bad when he had to wake him up.

“Kakuzu…” Hidan whined. “Let me sleep…” Hidan pressed his face into Kakuzu’s side and grasped a handful of fabric.

“Idiot. We need to set up the tent so bugs and snakes don’t crawl all over us and bite us in our sleep.” Kakuzu pushed him away and stood. “Help me set it up.”

With a dramatic sigh, Hidan got up, dusting himself off and helped unpack the tent to start setting it up. It should have only taken a few minutes—they knew how it went together—but Hidan was slow and they were both exhausted and it took them at least twenty minutes until it was usable for the night.

“Well… that doesn’t quite look like the picture.” Hidan commented as he held up the pouch with a picture of the tent on the front. He looked at the tent they put together and one end was sagging and the pole that was supposed to be holding it up had broken through the fabric and was sticking out.

“It’ll do for one night,” Kakuzu grumbled. “Now get in so we can rest.”

They left the flap of the tent open for a while to get some cool air and to watch the stars come out. They weren’t moving this time and it was something they both enjoyed while out on missions. They shared a light blanket to keep from getting chilled as the temperature dropped.

“Kakuzu. When I followed what I thought was you last night, you…you wanted to kiss me.”

“And did you let me?”

“Yeah.” Hidan still wasn’t look at him; he was looking up at the stars, hands stretched above his head.

“Then what happened?”

“Then,” Hidan turned his head to look at Kakuzu, “I started throwing up and thought you were going to fucking kill me but you were gone and…I really thought I was going to die. It hurt so damn much.” 

Kakuzu snorted at that and shook his head. So Hidan had had a similar hallucination to his own. Interesting. Kakuzu shifted so he was on his side, watching Hidan who had returned to looking up at the night sky.

Seeing movement from the corner of his eye, Hidan gave a yelp when Kakuzu was leaning over him and leaned down to kiss him on the lips before pulling away.

Hidan’s eyes were wide. “Kakuzu?” 

“What?”

“Is this… real or am I still hallucinating?” 

“What do you want it to be?”

Hidan didn’t even hesitate. “I want it to be real.”

“Then it is.” 

Grinning, Hidan freed his hands and wrapped his arms around Kakuzu’s neck, pulling him closer. “Kiss me again.”


End file.
